"THE KIND WORDS WE GIVE SHALL IN MEMORY LIVE"

Carol and I with our Mom - 1994

Years ago I was required to go to a courthouse to pay a traffic ticket I had procrastinated about.  I was one of several people of all nationalities and color forced to wait my turn to see the judge.  We waited in a hall lined with benches.  I will never forget one lady there with a little boy about the age of two.  He was an adorable and very active little guy who gave everyone there a big smile.  She seemed very irritated with him not sitting completely still like she had sternly ordered him to do.  As she sat there and he ventured off his seat a few feet she would shout swear words and call him unspeakable names and tell him to sit his A** back down.  She showed him no love, dignity or patience.  

When I was about twelve or so, my sister Carol and I got a tape recorder from our parents for Christmas.  It was a hand me down tape recorder that belonged to my older brother and he didn't use it anymore. My Mom cleaned it up and there it was sitting under the tree on Christmas morning. My parents were broke, they had seven kids to provide Christmas for. I didn't understand much about that kind of stuff at the time. The stress and heartache my Mom had gone through to insure seven kids a fun Christmas must have been overwhelming.  

Carol and I were thrilled and we loved our present. We spent hours upon hours recording ourselves and others doing and saying silly stuff.  We even figured out how to speed up and play our goofy recordings to sound like the Chipmunks.   We'd turn the volume up loud and laugh and laugh.  It rates among one the best Christmas' ever.

We must have driven my poor Mom crazy for days with that tape recorder. We were asked multiple times to turn the volume down.  I remember being at the kitchen counter while she was fixing dinner and blasting the Chipmunk version of something I'd recorded.  She lost it.  In that moment she was out of control.  She grabbed me, yelled, slapped me and then said something that still rings in my ears....."I hate you".  I was devastated. She came to me moments later and said she was sorry, I could tell she'd been crying.  It was an ugly sliver of time that my Mom lost it and said something that should never have been said. 

I know beyond any doubt that my Mom loved me. Her kids were the world to her.  She sacrificed for all of her children in one way or another.  She did her best.  I am sure that my Mom was haunted by some of the things she did or didn't do as a Mom.  I know this because I am a Mom.  I am haunted by the same thing.  Aren't all Mom's human?  Don't we all have regret or sometimes want a do-over? Haven't we all had sleepless nights at the end of a tough day praying to do better tomorrow? 

May we all have the strength to think before we speak and control our anger. There are so many people that need a kind word from us instead of an angry reaction that causes their ears to sting and heart to feel heavy.  I know my Mom would have turned back time to take those words back if she could have.  We all make mistakes but lets do ourselves a favor and try harder. I love the inspirational words below that a Facebook friend shared with me.  Peace -

We are all susceptible to those feelings which, if left unchecked, can lead to anger. We experience displeasure or irritation or antagonism, and if we so choose, we lose our temper and become angry with others. Ironically, those others are often members of our own families—the people we really love the most.

Many years ago I read the following Associated Press dispatch which appeared in the newspaper: An elderly man disclosed at the funeral of his brother, with whom he had shared, from early manhood, a small, one-room cabin near Canisteo, New York, that following a quarrel, they had divided the room in half with a chalk line, and neither had crossed the line or spoken a word to the other since that day—years before. Just think of the consequence of that anger. What a tragedy!

May we make a conscious decision, each time such a decision must be made, to refrain from anger and to leave unsaid the harsh and hurtful things we may be tempted to say. - President Thomas S. Monson

Turn It Up, LOUD!

Love is a many splendored thing. When I was young my Mom would play this song and turn it up loud. Good old Frank Sinatra would be blasting through the house. She also had a passion for Charlie Rich, Chubby Checker, The Mama's and the Papa's, Andy Williams, Tom Jones, Cher and lots of others. There were plenty of Saturday's I can remember waking up to the Magnavox Console Stereo playing those big 33 vinyl records. These are the mornings I knew all was right with the world. Awe.....very good memories!

It was so fun to stack those records on top of each other on the turntable and move that arm over to hold them suspended on a long pin above the turntable. Watching that arm with the needle detect when the record had finished the last song and magically move so the next record could drop down and start playing. Now that was magic. I can remember trying to help the arm with the needle move onto the record, but no, it didn't need help and rebelled by falling onto the record and scratching it. I've often thought how my Mom had a love for music. I remember her putting on that hard rock, Twist, by Chubby Checker and dancing with me and my sisters. It's some pretty hard rock, if you don't believe me just google it, but plug your ears, I dare you! Sometimes I wonder if she knew then that she was giving me a gift, the gift was a love for music.

I was the baby of the family till I was six. Everyone would go to school and I'd be left alone with my Mom, she'd crank up the tunes and clean the house. I'd help her dust the furniture (mmm, deja-vue moment, I just got a faint smell of lemon Pledge) and try to sing along. I especially loved Chubby Checker and was quite proud of my dancing skills. Yes, my Mom agreed I was pretty dang cute doing the Twist. I remember one night my siblings and I were all asleep, my parents came home from being out with some friends, Dave and Mammie Schuler, my Mom came into my room and quietly woke me up. I was promised that if I showed them how cute I was and did The Twist then I would be allowed to stay up. That was quite an offer so I agreed. On came that wonderful sound, Chubbie Checker singing......."Come on baby, lets do the twist".......... There I was moving like never before, twisting and turning, I was a dancing queen, or at that age maybe I should say princess. I gave quite a preformance. I wonder sometimes what makes the brain hang on to some memories. I remember that night so vividly. Other things I can't remember at all.

Many times I can remember seeing my Mom listen to sweet soft music, the music would touch her spirit and bring her to tears. Often this would happen and I'd chuckle and poke fun of her, I of course was never going to be like her. In my teenage ignorance I saw this as a weakness. I have since discovered that she was incredibly sensitive and tender hearted. I have learned to never say never, now I find myself getting misty eyed at the sound of sweet soft music.

I am so thankful for a Mom who gave me the gift of a tender heart. Who woke me up early on Saturdays when I was a teenager cause the music was turned up loud. I can endure the chuckles I get from my kids now, someday they'll understand. I'd like to tell them that, more than likely, because of genetics soon they'll be the ones on the receiving end of a chuckle. It doesn't matter what anyone says, music can move you, the way it moves you is a choice. Some music moves me to want to pull my hair out while another moves me to want to clean the house, but the kind I like best is the music that takes me back to earlier days and memories. It makes me feel alive, calm and causes me to think and remember. Now, go put a record on and turn it up, LOUD!